09-01-2016, 04:04 AM
@71Degrees
That's not true, I actually really value the criticism. I rewrote a stanza to see how it would work with a different flow..clearly I'm listening. I appreciate it, I just respond to everything by counter point, even if I agree.
I understand what you're saying. The meter has a certain disjointed flow by nature..and it's paired with disjointed ideas. To me that reflected inner workings but I can see why it wouldn't make for the most pleasant read. Not that it would in any case.
To make it crystal clear:
Stranded altar = a godless church of hypocrisy. God has abandoned this church
The next line..contrast between innocent touch that turns sinister.
The next..contrast between the idea of an innocent as a sinner and someone perverse as pious.
The next line.. Cup = cock
The next line..the Christian ideals of the blood of Christ and baptism made parallel to semen
The rest should be clear, now. If you want to offer criticism to thread these ideas into a more cohesive narrative, I'd love to hear them. But I prefer to maintain the metaphors.
That's not true, I actually really value the criticism. I rewrote a stanza to see how it would work with a different flow..clearly I'm listening. I appreciate it, I just respond to everything by counter point, even if I agree.
I understand what you're saying. The meter has a certain disjointed flow by nature..and it's paired with disjointed ideas. To me that reflected inner workings but I can see why it wouldn't make for the most pleasant read. Not that it would in any case.
To make it crystal clear:
Stranded altar = a godless church of hypocrisy. God has abandoned this church
The next line..contrast between innocent touch that turns sinister.
The next..contrast between the idea of an innocent as a sinner and someone perverse as pious.
The next line.. Cup = cock
The next line..the Christian ideals of the blood of Christ and baptism made parallel to semen
The rest should be clear, now. If you want to offer criticism to thread these ideas into a more cohesive narrative, I'd love to hear them. But I prefer to maintain the metaphors.