I am Death-Destroyer of worlds

[Achebe]

Hi Snarling - you have some nice images there. I particularly liked:
1. 'like confetti...the stars'
2. 'fistfulls of breath'
3. 'hurtling...void'

On the not so good side:
1. I don't see a connection between the Gita allusion of the title and the Greek myth content of the poem. Since Cronos and Zeus did not actually exist, the first allusion doesn't serve to illuminate the second. The proper title for this poem should have a Greek allusion. Otherwise, one can throw in a FIFA 1954 allusion about Ferenc Puskas with equal validity.
2. The narrator is Time, but in Greek myth Time isn't an active deity (sure, Cronos is represented as holding an hourglass or something, but he isn't exactly top dog anymore). So to say things like 'I made the clouds with my laughter' is pretty confusing. Are you talking about a Judaic god now?
3. 'Leviathan' is a noun and there was only one Apollo, who's still alive. The inclusion of Leviathan now makes it a random mishmash of unconnected myths.

Basically, if you're using allusion, you need to be consistent.
If I've made any factual errors in the above, please do let me know.

Hi!  Thanks so much for reviewing!  The title was actually an allusion to Oppenheimer saying that the creation of the atom bomb reminded him of that quote from the Bhagavad Gita.  So I wasn't really trying to quote the Gita so much as I was trying to capture the idea of a human grasping at more power than she ever should have been allowed to have, really.  ...what's that got to do with anything in the poem? You might as well have titled it 'Rainy day in Santiago' then

Also the idea of using a FIFA allusion to talk about a Hungarian footballer sounds awesome.  I think it's almost always fun to mix metaphors and references and stuff.  Brings new life to description. ...well, then let's be even more arbitrary. How about calling it 'Victoria Bitters after 7 o'clock on Saturdays'? Mixing metaphors makes sense if there's a point to it.

Also the narrator isn't time.  It's me.  ...Then it's pretty hard to make sense of anything in the poem! You created the clouds with your breath??
And the laughter is me laughing at Cronos begging for mercy.  And I know it's impossible for me to have created the universe.  It was just fun to write about a heady power trip. ...If you're saying that you essentially wrote nonsense because you wanted to, then pls refer my observation later on.

And I meant leviathan as an adjective.  It can be used as an adjective. ...can you provide me with an example of where it has been used as an adjective? Note that you are using it with the plural word 'beasts', so the singular metaphor does not work.

And I mean, I didn't really create the universe, so who's to say I can't pretend to have killed Apollo?  ...can't you have written your poem in Dothraki? If you are saying that you have the licence to write pretty much any old nonsense you're right, because it's a free country, but then why exactly are you asking people to waste their time critiquing it?
And I know there's only one, it was just also a fun concept to play with, a bunch of beautiful sun gods dying at my hand.  Also Apollo being the stand-in term for all the sun gods. ...he can't be the stand-in just because you feel like it!!!

Hi - I'm confused by your reply. It seems to me that your response is 'I wanted to write a bit of nonsense, it's okay if nothing makes sense in the poem'. Which is fine, but in that case please state it as such, and don't invite people to waste their time critiquing it.