08-30-2016, 08:34 AM
Hi Snarling - you have some nice images there. I particularly liked:
1. 'like confetti...the stars'
2. 'fistfulls of breath'
3. 'hurtling...void'
On the not so good side:
1. I don't see a connection between the Gita allusion of the title and the Greek myth content of the poem. Since Cronos and Zeus did not actually exist, the first allusion doesn't serve to illuminate the second. The proper title for this poem should have a Greek allusion. Otherwise, one can throw in a FIFA 1954 allusion about Ferenc Puskas with equal validity.
2. The narrator is Time, but in Greek myth Time isn't an active deity (sure, Cronos is represented as holding an hourglass or something, but he isn't exactly top dog anymore). So to say things like 'I made the clouds with my laughter' is pretty confusing. Are you talking about a Judaic god now?
3. 'Leviathan' is a noun and there was only one Apollo, who's still alive. The inclusion of Leviathan now makes it a random mishmash of unconnected myths.
Basically, if you're using allusion, you need to be consistent.
If I've made any factual errors in the above, please do let me know.
1. 'like confetti...the stars'
2. 'fistfulls of breath'
3. 'hurtling...void'
On the not so good side:
1. I don't see a connection between the Gita allusion of the title and the Greek myth content of the poem. Since Cronos and Zeus did not actually exist, the first allusion doesn't serve to illuminate the second. The proper title for this poem should have a Greek allusion. Otherwise, one can throw in a FIFA 1954 allusion about Ferenc Puskas with equal validity.
2. The narrator is Time, but in Greek myth Time isn't an active deity (sure, Cronos is represented as holding an hourglass or something, but he isn't exactly top dog anymore). So to say things like 'I made the clouds with my laughter' is pretty confusing. Are you talking about a Judaic god now?
3. 'Leviathan' is a noun and there was only one Apollo, who's still alive. The inclusion of Leviathan now makes it a random mishmash of unconnected myths.
Basically, if you're using allusion, you need to be consistent.
If I've made any factual errors in the above, please do let me know.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe