Parted (Edit #1)

[nikkisto]

I have to say that I love the first bit. It drew me in in such a clean and simple say. You had my heartstrings at the first. I dare to disagree with Achebe that the simile is weak, as I felt the imagarey. It solidified an image in my head, cute drawn little crown hahaha I wonder about your end, though, it moves quickly as a piece from a cherished image but I feel more of an end. Their parting speaks away from the writer just at the time we get to know the writer. Just food for thought, ??

Edit #1

I have a precious picture
on my crowded shelf,
drawn by a former lover,
in which a crown
sits on my head,
a king.

I must study it,
keep it close like my phone,
there on the shelf, by the cordial invitation
to the dance where we shared our last kiss.

You, having parted from my side,
prefer to erase that past.


Original

There is a picture
on my shelf,
made by a former lover,
in which a crown
sits on my head
as it would on a king.

She, having parted from my side,
prefers to erase that past.

I must acknowledge
it, keep it close, there
on my shelf, beside the cordial invitation
to the party where we had our last kiss.