The Secret of Love

[RiverNotch]

People would be better off
admitting

they're just not very good
at it

It is a big poem, yes, but only emotionally, I think.  First, form: "at it" feels like the final of all finals, considering your subject, so a period would be perfect; and yes, it feels a little weird, breaking every clause off right as they end, but following the suggestion here would create the same abrupt movement, so it works. If your goal were to convince, though, or even to make it seem as if the speaker were trying to convince, even trying to speak with a little more thought and subtlety, I don't think this would work. For one, it's not the end result, it's the thrill of the chase -- for another, who's the speaker to say that the fruits of bitterness can't go sweeter with time? But I don't think that was your goal anyway, so again, it works. And no need to change the tone, make it "sassier" -- the sort of bitterness this poem oozes is grittier, sleazier, so that to so change would be to cheapen the effect.