08-24-2016, 02:33 PM
Mirror, Mirror on the wall, Not sure I really like the use of the cliche/fairytale line. The rest of the poem is not about vanity, but rather self-deprecation.
Long since busted by those who can see through me, "busted by those" is too passive... also, I think giving readers more insight about the ones who busted through the speaker would make the overall interpretation a lot more clear.
With the special vision, reserved for God, <---- maybe something like "they peer into me with vision reserved for God"
And those who glimpse my soul,
On an all too regular basis.
I wonder if you could go into something about how the speaker had to first break free of outside opinion, in order to take a hard look at him/herself. Try achieving this in one, concise stanza that doesn't get too into longwinded-ness about cleaning products.
Long since busted by those who can see through me, "busted by those" is too passive... also, I think giving readers more insight about the ones who busted through the speaker would make the overall interpretation a lot more clear.
With the special vision, reserved for God, <---- maybe something like "they peer into me with vision reserved for God"
And those who glimpse my soul,
On an all too regular basis.
I wonder if you could go into something about how the speaker had to first break free of outside opinion, in order to take a hard look at him/herself. Try achieving this in one, concise stanza that doesn't get too into longwinded-ness about cleaning products.