08-21-2016, 01:29 PM
@cvanshelton A number of valid points there. Yes, everything on the shelf is precious. I was hoping the implication would be obvious enough.
It lacks salt to you? A little bland, perhaps? That should be a good thing. Might say something about the subject.
Good that you notice the power play as well. In my drafts, I included that the speaker identified as prince, not a king, but wore the crown of king anyway. I may need to work that back in.
"Study" is probably not the best word. Noted. I will go over that in the future.
As far as keeping it close, this might deserve a change, but you should still be able to reconcile a physical way for someone to keep a picture on their person at all times.
Couldn't pass up the use of the word "cordial" there.
You may be overthinking that power play, however.
@eric_never Sorry, didn't see this earlier. While it is not directly mentioned, the image of the shelf I had in mind is full of gifts from the lover, so all of them would be precious to the speaker. I can't say that I intended the second stanza to ironic, specifically. It's fine if it's there, however, just that irony was not the purpose.
It lacks salt to you? A little bland, perhaps? That should be a good thing. Might say something about the subject.
Good that you notice the power play as well. In my drafts, I included that the speaker identified as prince, not a king, but wore the crown of king anyway. I may need to work that back in.
"Study" is probably not the best word. Noted. I will go over that in the future.
As far as keeping it close, this might deserve a change, but you should still be able to reconcile a physical way for someone to keep a picture on their person at all times.
Couldn't pass up the use of the word "cordial" there.
You may be overthinking that power play, however.
@eric_never Sorry, didn't see this earlier. While it is not directly mentioned, the image of the shelf I had in mind is full of gifts from the lover, so all of them would be precious to the speaker. I can't say that I intended the second stanza to ironic, specifically. It's fine if it's there, however, just that irony was not the purpose.
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona