Parted (Edit #1)

[Lizzie]

Hi UselessBlueprint! I have a couple of thoughts for you:

Edit #1

I have a precious picture -- I'm not sure you need the modifier "precious." It's in a special place on the shelf, you keep it close like the phone, you've shown the preciousness and I think stating it here just seems obvious.
on my crowded shelf, -- Why crowded? What other things are there? Did you have to squeeze out other things to put it there?
drawn by a former lover,
in which a crown
sits on my head,
a king. -- I think "like I was a king" might read better. The idea is that the person made the speaker feel like a king, yes?

I must study it,
keep it close like my phone, -- I like the obsessional feel here. It feels true to what love is like
there on the shelf, by the cordial invitation -- LOVE 'cordial invitation to the dance.' I can visualize the invitation right there next to the picture.
to the dance where we shared our last kiss. -- This works, yet last kiss feels like it's been done already. Is there another symbol of love that you could add in to make it feel a little more like the love was a unique one? It's a minor thing.

You, having parted from my side,
prefer to erase that past. -- I'd like to see another word instead of erase, something that ties in with the kingship theme, the love theme, the dance theme. Almost like the speaker is being dis-invited to his own past.

I hope you keep going -- I think that this one is an improvement on the original.

Hope something here helps!

lizziep