Sunburnt

[Alic Elliot]

sunburnt

Sandcastle battlements persuade
seaweed spatters to embark, teeth bleed,
when torrent sung sharks parade the dark, to graft.

Fin cascades, push blank shores like blades.
Choke reefs in tank drawers, inhale
Take out the commas and it's much more pleasing to read, while still fitting with the first verse.
the still kerosene gleans, flood and wade
the salt flat damages, persuade cliffs of greed,
then fuck in agitation, sunburnt complexions.
“Then fuck in agitation" Well, that escalated quickly. It's not bad, though. 
Sand spade splays, dive manmade plastic blades, this war
pledged fauna to grave. Salt taste divides push ores,
The alliteration here is a bit of a tongue twister, I stumbled over it reading aloud (But that may be just me, I have a stutter). Also, I'd put “salt taste push ores" in the next line.
motioned past populations, ripples, flowered from electric ray waves,
drown starved. Poseidon averts his trident gaze to
pebbled tides, sifts water, watches dead, leisures to splash.

Head damages pleat to drawn curtain yawns, filled lungs withdraw,
driven winded in descent,

sun semantics reprieve the screensaver beach palms. Day
done currents swell to stays, 
wave pool ravages gash
These two phrases ↑ ↓ seem like they can condense into one.
drunk sharks, shadows in drawbridge
circles, eye battlements faded in the hour dry cement.

Overall, I think it's a little choppy, and punctuation could be used better. But, other than that, I think it's really good. My personal opinion is that wording could be changed a little bit. Also, the imagery I get is a little weird, but again, that's probably just me.