Skylarking Edit 1

[Alic Elliot]

We were serious about skylarks.
The prefigured bird morphed into odes 
and odes to odes,
was like a highly studied conflagration, 
trilling out “the hum."
A nice start. Wordy, but it works.
               
Arcane wizardry and dreams
so fascinated us 
--
that we
pored over spells 
--
I think that these two lines would better fit as one line. Like this the verse seems a little lop sided, if that makes sense.
and soon, as acolytes of erudition,
apostrophized from wan, decolored tomes.

With this in mind,
what of the man at 10 am,
smelling like a barn, imbibing steel reserve,
mourning for his dead-at-fifty diabetic brother, 
Where did he come from?
howling “Hoosiers! Hoosiers! I hate the city! Hoosiers!”

Should we grow livers in a duplicated pig?
Why is this line here at all?


All in all, I like each individual verse, except for the last line. With some tweaks in wording, they could be poems on thier own. As a whole, it's rather scattered. I'm not sure what to make of that last line.