07-28-2016, 06:46 PM
It is difficult to believe as a reader that inner voice can portray good expressions of random thoughts and answers, especially when we've never heard inner voice speak a different tone and have its own character. Inner voice in poetry is just us thinking out loud, I think. This proves difficult for me as I try poetry writing too. I don't know where to begin but I think the whole stanza is a rhetorical question, and the readers learn nothing essential from questioning it.
Laying bare on moonlit water,
Swaying with gentle breeze.
Say, in every shell living a soul?
Nay, there's nothing but an echo.
The underlined words suggests that readers can ask this question - "What being are you?" I think the Mods have it right when poetry needs to be clear from the beginning. The lines should be grounded in human nature. If you are implying this nature is from a dream or an abstract concept from a School of thought, much exploration and expansion of subject needs to be done. You can name the people who founded the concept too, so that readers can find some sort of identification with it.
I hope I explained it right.
Thanks for the share.
Laying bare on moonlit water,
Swaying with gentle breeze.
Say, in every shell living a soul?
Nay, there's nothing but an echo.
The underlined words suggests that readers can ask this question - "What being are you?" I think the Mods have it right when poetry needs to be clear from the beginning. The lines should be grounded in human nature. If you are implying this nature is from a dream or an abstract concept from a School of thought, much exploration and expansion of subject needs to be done. You can name the people who founded the concept too, so that readers can find some sort of identification with it.
I hope I explained it right.
Thanks for the share.