Poetry Forum › Poetry Forum › Mild to moderate critique
lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize

lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize
Todd Offline
Empty Suit
Posts: 2,384
Threads: 230
Joined: Oct 2010
#12
07-27-2016, 05:17 AM
It reads well to me. It could be a nice spoken word piece--punching each word.

Very slight suggestion: Maybe kill the and on this line.

"alone again and littler grayer "
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
Reply


Messages In This Thread
lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize - by kolemath - 07-19-2016, 05:06 PM
RE: lifespan - by Todd - 07-19-2016, 10:53 PM
RE: lifespan - by kolemath - 07-20-2016, 09:36 AM
RE: lifespan - by cvanshelton - 07-20-2016, 01:37 PM
RE: lifespan - by Todd - 07-20-2016, 07:33 PM
RE: lifespan - by Achebe - 07-20-2016, 07:48 PM
RE: lifespan - by RiverNotch - 07-21-2016, 12:28 AM
RE: lifespan - by Robert - 07-22-2016, 11:09 PM
RE: lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize - by kolemath - 07-25-2016, 06:56 AM
RE: lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize - by Lizzie - 07-26-2016, 07:29 PM
RE: lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize - by RiverNotch - 07-27-2016, 01:47 AM
RE: lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize - by Todd - 07-27-2016, 05:17 AM



Users browsing this thread: 2 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!