07-25-2016, 06:34 AM
Hi, Robert.
This is my favorite line: "With love, a walk in the sun is the same as the rain"
It's a good insight. It speaks to the tenacity and optomism of a relationship.
It's my personal preference, but I like lines (and poems) like this one, which allow concrete images to deliver the insights.
But much of the poem is abstract. To my reading, revise for the more concrete elements of the affair. Lines like these, " Without her eyes here, it's not nearly the same / But less than our words, it would be such pain," start with a good image, but wander into abstraction.
Again, just personal preference. Thanks for the read.
This is my favorite line: "With love, a walk in the sun is the same as the rain"
It's a good insight. It speaks to the tenacity and optomism of a relationship.
It's my personal preference, but I like lines (and poems) like this one, which allow concrete images to deliver the insights.
But much of the poem is abstract. To my reading, revise for the more concrete elements of the affair. Lines like these, " Without her eyes here, it's not nearly the same / But less than our words, it would be such pain," start with a good image, but wander into abstraction.
Again, just personal preference. Thanks for the read.
Thanks to this Forum
