07-24-2016, 06:10 PM
Hi Robert! I don't think I've read a poem by you before. Your poem starts well, but it seems to run out of steam somehow. Then it ends well. So it's a bit uneven.
Your poem for me is an uneasy combination of rhyme and free verse. I think you need to stick to one or the other - which one doesn't matter.
It feels as though you try to cram too much into the final lines of the first two stanzas.
I really like that last line, the last stanza is my favourite in fact, and I'd like to see more of that tension.
Your poem for me is an uneasy combination of rhyme and free verse. I think you need to stick to one or the other - which one doesn't matter.
It feels as though you try to cram too much into the final lines of the first two stanzas.
I really like that last line, the last stanza is my favourite in fact, and I'd like to see more of that tension.