lifespan (EDIT 1) lifesize

[RiverNotch]

even before birth
we begin to grow
cells inflate a moving body which is a little weird, because with the mention of "cells inflate" i'm somewhat reminded of ectodermal cells migrating to form, like, the nervous system, which is one big backtrack -- and even without that scientific mindset, this still feels like a backtrack
empty belly to inflated lungs crying which again feels like a backtrack -- would expect crying to come right after birth. but the swing from moving body to empty belly is a good one
so many meals leads to playground speak last word is kinda overshadowed for me by "playground", simply because playground, with its greater, er, concreteness, ends up being more vivid
opinions tested as longer lung inflated air heats again, another wild backtrack, and "opinions tested" feels like a massive leap forward, to say proper adolescence. but "longer lung inflated"
18 pretending so many words are adult body growing i like this repetition of sorts -- there's you turning from babe to kid, then there's you turning from kid to adult. adolescence: basically biological baptism. but starting the line with 18, again, it feels like an awkard leap forward, and i'm sort of in the camp of giving a bit more to adolescence: where's all the awkward somewhat sexy times (xD)?
monkey hanging from buildings over yellow night roads taunting death oh man, this line -- captures the spirit of adolescence so well! "monkey hanging" sounds childish -- "from buildings" urban, as if the person were surrounded by horizon-blocking silhouettes -- "over yellow night roads" more urban, this time making the imagery darker, like a world turning upside down, like innocence being perverted (i'm reminded of yellow brick roads) -- "taunting" the cynicism of youth -- "death" youth transitioning properly into adulthood
conceived children from tooth sweat red markings at bruise green 30  i like ending this with thirty, and i also like the fact that the "halves" of life here are pre-children and post-children, but the transition does feel a little swift. granted, the line before could have been more right-post-adolescence, aka the twenties, but i think there's something more to the twenties than just that spirit of daring, something that skipping straight to conception removes -- that, i dunno, sense of anxiety, but an anxiety whose identity is wholly different from that whole sense of world turning round in the previous line; maybe the anxiety of, "alright, the world's turned round. now what?" or something -- i dunno. not exactly 20-something yet myself. but still.
from here the body starts to shrink back into itself again, this feels advanced -- my parents didn't start complaining about their ageing til' at least 40! the sentiment is right, but "shrink" for me is too strong a word.
chase the children raw brain tired past sun logic not sure logic is a good ending here -- minds are surely more balanced at an advanced age, but not necessarily more logical. at least in my treatment of it, logic and emotion are equals, so that at this point it's balance that's more needed.
into a mirror these children growing taller older "older" feels again too advanced, although now the poem's slipping into a field of experience i'm not even that well-read about -- it feels too abstract, though, like it's being said purely with woe, without that mixture of joy and sadness that would be more natural to most parents at this stage of life, unlike everything that precedes it
my wife and I an empty house but now the poem is really running to an ending -- although the whole feeling of a mid-life crisis, or at least of other, more minor things ending first, like jobs and such, are glossed over, which again makes the poem feel a little too swift
alone again a little grayer smaller however, considering that the poem really is intent on skipping all of that, i must say that the fadeout starting with "older" is effective -- makes me feel like i'm playing that video game Passage, or that other video game To The Moon, or say watching the movie The Lion in Winter (although the spirit of its ageing central characters was much, much younger), or say watching the movie Unforgiven, or, heck, just spending time with my dad when he's feeling especially melodramatic
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passage_(video_game)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/To_the_Moon
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Lion_i...1968_film)
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unforgiven
all recommended, by the way, but don't spoil yourself by knowing the plot to the second video game beforehand -- might ruin the river of tears to come
sex still good but older eew, did you just make me think of old people sex? and why was there no proper mention of sex before? why now, when the peeps are old? --- i mean, silly point, but really, why no sex before? and the repetition of older doesn't feel right -- the word itself doesn't develop as grow/growing developed before
worry evaporating night dew i'm a little detracted by the suddenly specific image of dew, but i think it works -- i suppose the more tranquil a person feels, the more he turns to the images around him
we hold hands damn.
going blind damn.
until damn. wonderful, wonderful ending.

my first reading of this, i got kinda bored, but i guess it was just my mood. really, really, really lovely work. note that i also italicized the end-words/phrases because i don't remember, something about an earlier crit?