07-14-2016, 11:05 PM
A good Petrarchan sonnet Paul.
I thought it was just going to be pretty without substance through the first two stanzas, although well formed. The second half brings in a nice kicker. So excellent volta. I could have done without the "hit you in the face" moral at the end, " Like trees, we must cope" as it seems to cheapen the poem, almost as though written by someone else, or some other mind. I suspect difficulty with the end line and in desperation you took the more or less easy way out, but I don't think you can get away with it. It really just mars an otherwise excellent effort, especially in terms of rhythmic and rhyme quality.
Oh, I also like the internal rhyme of colors and brothers.
Best,
dale
I thought it was just going to be pretty without substance through the first two stanzas, although well formed. The second half brings in a nice kicker. So excellent volta. I could have done without the "hit you in the face" moral at the end, " Like trees, we must cope" as it seems to cheapen the poem, almost as though written by someone else, or some other mind. I suspect difficulty with the end line and in desperation you took the more or less easy way out, but I don't think you can get away with it. It really just mars an otherwise excellent effort, especially in terms of rhythmic and rhyme quality.
Oh, I also like the internal rhyme of colors and brothers.
Best,
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.