The landscape in the pillow

[Erthona]

Jack,

Nice poem, the cadence fits the topic. I do question your use of " verdancy". Of course it does have two meanings, but I am assuming here you mean "green", "verdant".

I think the first three lines could be better written, as is they are a bit confusing.

"We wander into Sleep,
the gates of this holiest church
rusted and overgrown"

We wander into Sleep,
this holiest church;
the gates of which are
rusted and overgrown (complete sentences always make me happy)

Imaged this way it gives the impression that sleep is difficult to obtain? Maybe, otherwise I haven't a clue as to what the image of "rusted gates" and "overgrown". I can think of nothing other than they bar us from the "church", i.e., sleep.

The rest rocks along quite nicely. I especially like these two lines of iambic tetrameter:

"To save our cardboard Christendom
from these marauding Mosselmen,"

Ah yes, bias even in our dreams, maybe especially so. n'est-ce pas mon amie?


dale