Critics Manufacture A Famine

[shemthepenman]

Loving the little sonic stitches that hold this together, especially the glorious assonance that enriches the true rhyme.  

No matter how I shift the way I recite this, the last line always comes up feeling like it's been shortchanged.  I am thinking maybe "but how we love this mess we're in" might make it happier.

I am left, rather incongruously, with an absurd image of blokes in Shakespearean wigs elbowing each other out of the way so they can get a beer with Tzara.  Or an absinthe, probably.  Or a shot of cologne with a porridge chaser, I don't know.  And they'd smile and nod at one another, pleasantly oated up to their eyeballs, and say "yes, I see what you mean about casting off the shackles of expectations, but I think it would be much better if you'd just use iambic pentameter.  Please pass me one of those herring cookies."

you    you managed to call out exactly the word that gave me so much trouble. in the original it was "stay the mess we're in" i changed it to 'like' but wasn't happy with it. i still don't like 'love' [but obviously played about with it] or the 'but how'. i also like 'stay the mess we're in' just for its grammatical strangeness [yet, correctness]--basically it sounds odd, which i like.