07-10-2016, 07:35 PM
You've got the right old-testament feel to it - the language is mildly grandiloquent, the references at the right places.
However, I don't know if the subject matter itself is credible enough in this day and age - God threatening to kill Moses because he didn't have his son circumcised, if I'm correct.
Sometimes, the juice isn't worth the squeeze.
It might be better to get rid of the ridiculous goatherd-society fairy story feel of S2. Basically, take the bare bones of the Exodus story and flesh it out with something more credible and capable of empathy.
However, I don't know if the subject matter itself is credible enough in this day and age - God threatening to kill Moses because he didn't have his son circumcised, if I'm correct.
Sometimes, the juice isn't worth the squeeze.
It might be better to get rid of the ridiculous goatherd-society fairy story feel of S2. Basically, take the bare bones of the Exodus story and flesh it out with something more credible and capable of empathy.
~ I think I just quoted myself - Achebe