Thyroid: Revision

[LunaDeLore]

My wife had her thyroid taken out (cancer) a number of years ago.  When she doesn't take her one-a-day or forgets or runs out for a day (or God forbid, two days) she is a crazy woman.  Even today, after tinkering with dosage a dozen times, her hands can be ICE and her feet can be toast or vice versa...sometimes within minutes.  

I like the poem.  You do it justice and things shouldn't have to make sense.  Keep the first line and scrap lines two and three.  You need something fresh, out-of-sync to make someone understand right from the get/go.  Hurricane is a cliche.  "Devastating metabolism" is telling me.  SHOW me.  If you have to make an extension of stanza 1, go for it.  Don't hold back.  If it is a hurricane, blow me away from the start.  

Don't give up on this.

71degrees,

I don't think people realize how much their thyroid controls; it's unbelievable and it's been crazy for me at least. Anyway, I do appreciate your take on S1 and I'll see what I can do in the next revision.

Thanks for reading and commenting,

Luna