06-27-2016, 05:16 PM
(Since this is the Serious Workshopping thread, I'm assuming that comments, if they are
sincerely attempting to describe a reader's take on a poem, are appropriate even though
they don't constitute a thorough critique. My apologies in advance if this is not the case.)
I'm impressed by the gritty imagery, it's vividness.
But to me it seems wasted on a poem devoted to drug cliches, especially the "drug as
god" metaphor. This is the kind of subject matter that beginners think up when they are
trying to impress people with how "dark" they can write.
Leaving the strong images and editing out the editorial content might make for a good
poem. Changing the title, which emphasizes the worst cliche, is a must.
sincerely attempting to describe a reader's take on a poem, are appropriate even though
they don't constitute a thorough critique. My apologies in advance if this is not the case.)
I'm impressed by the gritty imagery, it's vividness.
But to me it seems wasted on a poem devoted to drug cliches, especially the "drug as
god" metaphor. This is the kind of subject matter that beginners think up when they are
trying to impress people with how "dark" they can write.
Leaving the strong images and editing out the editorial content might make for a good
poem. Changing the title, which emphasizes the worst cliche, is a must.