god

[RiverNotch]

god
 
I hold my breathe. Breath.
I twist my tongue inside my mouth, as
I exert just the right amount of pressure on the syringe.
I push it down onto the cotton lying in the spoon. Cotton on the spoon -- lying's superfluous.
I slowly pull back on the plunger. Need the 'on'?
 My breath goes out as the fluid
slowly steals its way up the hollow plastic shaft,
a release that is almost orgasmic: Why not just orgasmic? You already went there. Or rather, not describe it at all -- I get where you're going, but this is a little premature, as it should be the ecstasy itself that even mentions climax.
anticipation of what is to come.
I lay the needle carefully aside,
I don’t want to catch the point on anything and dull it. I feel like 'I don't want to dull the point' would be sharper, but then there'd be a missing thought relative to the preceding....
I take out one of my several bandannas. Need 'several'?
I quickly, but carefully, wrap it around my left arm. Second 'carefully'.
I tie it in a slip knot that First time that the device of the 'I's really shows itself -- not complaining, though.
I can release by pulling it with my teeth.
 
My breaths coming faster, Why not complete the sentence - come.
short and controlled,
in the top of my lungs. In or at? even I'm not sure.
I open and close my left fist.
I watch, fascinated, as  the vein rises above the skin.
I rub my finger up and down the vein,
I caress it, as a lover would caress a nipple. There we go. With this in mind, orgasmic earlier feels plain unnecessary. Also, I feel a Song of Solomon reference coming up.....but damn, it doesn't.
I pick up the paper square that encloses the alcohol swab.
I tear it open with my teeth. Removing the swab,
I run it up and down the vein.  Ritualistically, I see now how adverbs weakens the piece -- everything so far feels like ritual. In fact, why not, 'I run it up and down the vein, / preparing the vessel to receive the holy sacrament'?
I prepare the vessel to receive the holy sacrament.
 
I am a fastidious acolyte, not because
I am naturally so, but, at the moment,
I have the time, and at the moment, I would follow the earlier's suit of breaking 'and' and 'at' with a comma -- rhythmically righter, I think, however broken. Also, this is where I think stuff gets going, although I did kinda enjoy the earlier anyway.
I have the better vestments of my religion. Where did the worse ones go? (seriously though, do you need 'better'?)
I have sterile saline to wet down the powder. Need 'wet'?
I have clean cotton through which to strain it and, No need for 'and', I think -- three straight sentences listed would be here a better device.
I have a sharp new syringe in which to put it.
 
In the past,
I have used the water out of toilets to wet it down . Eew. And your period is spaced out weirdly.
I have used cotton out of the butt of a used cigarette. Also eew.
I have used my own spit to wipe the dirt off my arm. Good grief, I hope you (that is, you the speaker) don't have, say, Hepatitis at this point.
I have sharpened a dull, much used needle, on a book of matches, to get it sharp enough, to pierce my skin:
a mini-crucifixion,
A stigmata from and for my god. The one time you mess with capitalization (at 'a'). And I just realized, this whole stanza doesn't need 'have', as it dulls the rhythm.
 
I need no Romans, nor a Pilot, nor a Judas. Ahem, 'Pilate'. Pilot looks too much like a mistake.
I am a willing sacrifice, Actually, Jesus was a pretty willing sacrifice, too. He just knew he needed to die in a more symbolic way than, say, throwing himself to passing legions. That is to say, the 'contrast' here is plain weird, at least to the (even faintly) initiated.
I have sacrificed everything for my god. Although, if you continue with your Jesus-comparison, a little theologically incorrect, if continued from, say, the priestly comparison, or if, say, considered unsymbolically, I think 'to my god' would be better -- or maybe cliche?
I have been the lowly worshiper, begging for scraps, and 'Begging for scraps' is unnecessary.
I have been the high priest. At those times, when Ah, this would be more powerful (and considering the whole pre-eternal nature of the church, more true) if the 'have been's here were 'am's. And perhaps remove 'at those times' -- feels too wordy -- and just go with 'whenever'. (heh)
I have the powder…the other worshipers come to me. No need for the ellipsis.
They beg my blessing, willing to do whatever penance Beg for. And though 'penance' is a continuation, I can't help but feel that it's the wrong word, or that the blander 'to do anything' would be more correct, if, again, blander....
I might set for them, so that they might receive
the holy sacrament. I actually don't think the holy sacrament is necessary here; makes the whole thing a little too pushy for me. Then again, I'm following this poem way better than I normally would, I think, so....
Women give me their bodies in whatever way
I demand. The shortest line in the poem, and it's a ridiculously selfish one -- unless this is a more moral indictment of drugs, which right now I'm not really getting, having this be so emphasized makes the whole sacrament comparison much weaker, I think. Priests themselves may be selfish, but it's a key doctrine in I think most sacramental churches (well, having read about this mostly from their p-o-v, the Catholic church surest) that the sacraments themselves stand on their own -- that they, at least post indulgences (but really, that was a renaissance-RC phenomenon) are anything but selfish, at least on administration.
They would give me their first born, if Thinking about the earlier comment now, the repeat 'I's at the start could be a hint at that moralist direction -- but eh, it's too slight, it feels too much like a rhetorical device for its own sake (which is, of course, not a bad thing). Without considering this any further, and I don't really intend to anyway, I'd say 'if / I required it' should just be one line, it sounds so awkward.
I required it. When
I have the powder,
I have the power of a god: The power of god, or even, though maybe a bit off of your idea, the body. Generalizing a very 'Christian' poem's focus here feels, er, blasphemous? heh, I jest -- more untrue, really, and weakeningly so.
I can command anything, and my will, will be done. 'and my will, will be done' feels awkward -- would go 'anything -- my will be done'. But really, 'the power of god' speaks enough volumes, I think.
The followers of my god are faithful, faithful unto death. No other religion demands, or receives, such devotion. Every other religion, actually, they just have better standards than yours(, speaker.) xP
I watch as the sterile water snakes
its way up through the golden liquid
in the hard, hollow, plastic tube of the syringe. I don't think plastic is necessary for this line -- otherwise, these last three lines ooze.
I love to watch it rise slowly up through the yellowish oil: Yellow oil transmuted from white powder, a transfiguration of the mundane into the ecstatic. Ugh, it's just so weird having lines suddenly interrupt like this. I would break this, but I also get why you didn't, so I can't really say what should be done --- other than changing the alchemical 'transmuted' into the liturgical 'transubstantiated'.
I take the needle, and gently, slowly, Comma before 'and' unnecessary, I think.
I slide it into the vein.
I pull back on the plunger.
I see the blood spurt up into the pale yellow oil. Comment on blood of Christ? Also, white to yellow to red -- maybe this is more alchemical than I thought. Titillating, but I'd still go transubstantiated -- let the hidden things be hidden. And, more importantly, where's the black? (you racist, xD) Oh, and 'up' maybe unnecessary.
I pull the bandanna with my teeth,
releasing the pent-up pressure from my heart. Maybe degerundify 'release'? And two pulls then a push -- either that's a comment on how you're pulling back on life and jizz with this jizz (again, unlikely), or you missed an oceanic beat -- I'd go "I pull back the plunger, / see the red blood spurt into the pale yellow oil -- /with my teeth, release / the pent-up pressure of my heart / then push the plunger down, discharge / the [something] liquid into my [something] pulse.' but of course, that doesn't seem to be your style.
I push the plunger down, discharging the yellowish liquid into the red pulsing blood of my vein.
For a brief and fleeting moment, Isn't fleeting brief?
as ether-vapor hits the back of my throat,
as a surging wave rolls through my skull,
I come face to face with my god. The whole time, I was assuming your god was the powder itself, or at least the powder itself was part of it -- now, with the powder in you, you come face to face with your god, instead of already having been even in part face to face with him as you held his body, as you dissolved his blood? This really feels like an anticlimax to me -- so many religiously charged lines, and then this sudden, somewhat unfounded expectation to top it, to top it with something easy. 
We are joined in an ecstatic melding. Then, And I would have continued that earlier tirade with a note on how I've maybe missed the point until I remembered this line. THIS IS A MUCH BETTER (though still imperfect -- melding sounds so sci-fi compared to union) LINE TO SUM THINGS UP WITH. 
I fall into the depressive after-glow of the union, 
I am already anticipating the next time. I do think that if you're gonna properly follow the 'I' device in your next edit, this is at least the best place to break it -- return the lonely union with god to something universal, to something unselfish, to something not-I. Or maybe just remove the somewhat unnecessary preceding line.
 

All for now. I was titillated, but not enough -- I feel like this could have been deeper, more, er, theological and junk. Oh well -- aside from the title, which is probably what made me hope for more, this promises what it does. Title change (and possibly better emphasis on the 'I's): 'my god'? And I'm in the not-remove camp -- I do agree that it drags, but it's not a problem for the sort of set up it accomplishes.

Silly edit: And with this prose-y list-y sort of poem, I'm really seeing how the beard fits. xD