No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale
#6
Why is there a comma between "no warm, moist kiss"?

Overall I think this version is much better, especially the clarity on the heartbeat part.


dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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Messages In This Thread
No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by tectak - 06-18-2016, 06:15 PM
RE: No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by Achebe - 06-18-2016, 08:10 PM
RE: No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by tectak - 06-21-2016, 05:08 PM
RE: No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by D.Russo - 06-19-2016, 01:26 AM
RE: No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by kolemath - 06-21-2016, 12:40 AM
RE: No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by Erthona - 06-22-2016, 05:48 AM
RE: No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by tectak - 06-22-2016, 07:02 AM
RE: No Sunshine Edit 1.0000000 Dale - by Erthona - 06-24-2016, 03:39 PM



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