06-20-2016, 07:16 AM
Ha! Fatalistic and funny.
The punctuation at the end of L2 seems a tad confusing, a semi-colon might make it more clear. Of course as I am unsure exactly what you mean by what follows, that could be off.
L4 is a bit of a cliche and L5 edges that way, but would probably be OK if not paired with the more obvious L4.
The capitalization of "up" and "down" seems to serve little purpose to me and was disruptive in terms of the reading.
I like the melodramatic punch line in L10. I could easily envision someone leaning back with the back of the hand to the brow. Good one.
dale
The punctuation at the end of L2 seems a tad confusing, a semi-colon might make it more clear. Of course as I am unsure exactly what you mean by what follows, that could be off.
L4 is a bit of a cliche and L5 edges that way, but would probably be OK if not paired with the more obvious L4.
The capitalization of "up" and "down" seems to serve little purpose to me and was disruptive in terms of the reading.
I like the melodramatic punch line in L10. I could easily envision someone leaning back with the back of the hand to the brow. Good one.
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.