06-20-2016, 01:53 AM
(06-13-2016, 03:39 PM)Vanity Wrote: RunI love the accessibility of your work -- it ropes me in and keeps me reading. Thanks for sharing!
This can't be about the mice, the prince, the slipper
Because that's not where I am. -- is "because" capitalized for emphasis?
I'm afraid I bought the time share.
I'm outside of it far more than in it-
and my daydreaming mind just wants -- "daydreaming" feels out of place for me -- I don't see how it explains any of the ideas around it.
done with it. -- I agree that there are too many repetitions of "it"
I was so excited when I got the dress,
When I ran my finger over the vellum invitation. -- is there a reason you capitalize "when"? I love the specificity and immediacy of the image.
I admit I am old enough to get excited over stationary.Love this
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I did what girls are supposed to do.
And now I feel like
I'm patting the walls down a pitch black hall-
a dim light grows brighter as I near it.
My cat sleeps in all the boxes I brought home. -- An easily visualized line. I like how you bring the reader into your world.
He keeps my council, unblinking.
He blots my tears.
I have figured myself about fifteen years too late. -- I like that you didn't go for the expected "figured myself out." You successfully avoided cliche, IMO.
I no longer give a fuck about weeding
or tater tot casseroles,
or the cult of Pinterest.
I'm putting down landscape fabric and a ton of rock--
There. Done. I'm leaving my phone.
I don't care who poked me. -- I have a love/hate relationship with the "poked me" bit. Anyone on Facebook will know what you're talking about and it makes the poem relevant in the now, but I'm not sure that anyone will know what you're talking about 10 years from now, because social media changes so fast. This may or may not be of great concern to you, depending on how you envision using your work in the future.
I toss an apple and a shiny water canteen in the car-
I put on my running shoes and run, and run--I feel my heart hammering
-the sweat is like a baptism- the rush I feel-
I stop in the woods, my hands on my knees, panting.
I'm alone now,
but not lonely like before.


Love this