Translated Poetry

[Achebe]

An interesting post. I recently bought translations of the Illiad and the Divine Comedy, choosing from various alternatives.
A good translation should read like a passable poem in the target language. Of the examples you've posted, the Snodgrass one is standout, and I would like to believe it comes closest to capturing the effect of the original. Why?
1. Word economy
2. Enjambment done better than in the Leishman
3. 'Axis' and 'orbit' - you're right, those are the 'right' words to use there

Pound was right, I suppose. Some Chinese poems and Japanese haiku read well in translation, because they paint pictures
Eg (random Li Po): http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/ballads-o...g/#content

The moon shimmers in green water.
White herons fly through the moonlight.
The young man hears a girl gathering water-chestnuts:
into the night, singing, they paddle home together

gathering water chestnuts at night - a great image, and therefore translatable. Same with green water.
'through the moonlight' is weak, perhaps a 'better' translation required for that one.

At the same time, so much poetry is about sonics, that most poems in other languages sound insipid in English.
I don't know any Italian, but I can see that

Mentre che l’uno spirto questo disse,
l’altro piangea; sì che di pietade
io venni men così com’io morisse.
E caddi come corpo morto cade.
(Divine Comedy Canto V)*


has assonance in L3 and alliteration in L4 - certainly Pound-untranslatable. But without them, the lines lose their beauty.
And poetry is all about beauty.

*The final line, in one version translated as 'And I fell as bodies fall, for dead' is still okay, but just about