06-16-2016, 11:25 PM
Interesting and real. Basho has quite a few haiku that go down this path a famous one is
fleas and lice
a horse pissing
by my bed
With this in mind and using Basho as an influence I think your haiku would be better if the last line were changed
morning meditation
by the strawberry patch
a robin has a shit
It has more of an element of realism to it. 'poops' is too nice it's obvious what you want to say. There's not much point in aiming to be real and then making it a bit nice or as they say where I come from "polishing a turd"
I like it, cheers for the read
Mark
fleas and lice
a horse pissing
by my bed
With this in mind and using Basho as an influence I think your haiku would be better if the last line were changed
morning meditation
by the strawberry patch
a robin has a shit
It has more of an element of realism to it. 'poops' is too nice it's obvious what you want to say. There's not much point in aiming to be real and then making it a bit nice or as they say where I come from "polishing a turd"
Mark
wae aye man ye radgie
