morning meditation
#2
Interesting and real. Basho has quite a few haiku that go down this path a famous one is

fleas and lice
a horse pissing
by my bed

With this in mind and using Basho as an influence I think your haiku would be better if the last line were changed

morning meditation
by the strawberry patch
a robin has a shit

It has more of an element of realism to it. 'poops' is too nice it's obvious what you want to say. There's not much point in aiming to be real and then making it a bit nice or as they say where I come from "polishing a turd" 

Thumbsup I like it, cheers for the read

Mark
feedback award wae aye man ye radgie
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Messages In This Thread
morning meditation - by justlikeyou - 06-16-2016, 11:11 PM
RE: morning meditation - by Magpie - 06-16-2016, 11:25 PM
RE: morning meditation - by RiverNotch - 06-16-2016, 11:59 PM
RE: morning meditation - by justlikeyou - 06-17-2016, 05:11 AM
RE: morning meditation - by Magpie - 06-17-2016, 01:12 PM
RE: morning meditation - by RiverNotch - 06-17-2016, 04:07 PM



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