06-16-2016, 06:04 PM
Hi 71,
I have read this thru several times. I find the start of it ....confusing. The first three lines I find too vague. I'm sorry to say I really don't like the word saliva in there. And I like it when people shake things up or do the unexpected in a poem. But that was unexpected in a bad way for me.
I like it better from the 'you ache in me....' line on down. I think from there it's a kind of 'I'm so into you poem'..but I like those . I keep reading the 'bring your color to my skin' line....over and over...I admit, I'm confused by it, but it doesn't stop me from liking that bit. I also agree with the previous reviewer that the last three lines are your strongest.
Good luck! V
I have read this thru several times. I find the start of it ....confusing. The first three lines I find too vague. I'm sorry to say I really don't like the word saliva in there. And I like it when people shake things up or do the unexpected in a poem. But that was unexpected in a bad way for me.
I like it better from the 'you ache in me....' line on down. I think from there it's a kind of 'I'm so into you poem'..but I like those . I keep reading the 'bring your color to my skin' line....over and over...I admit, I'm confused by it, but it doesn't stop me from liking that bit. I also agree with the previous reviewer that the last three lines are your strongest.
Good luck! V
"Why do you suppose we only feel compelled to chase the ones who run away?" -Vicomte de Valmont, Dangerous Liasons