Sex or Music EDIT 1 (now ORGAN SYMPHONY WITH ORCHESTRA)

[Vanity]

Hi! I'm new here...and I know this is serious work shopping , but I'll just give my initial take on it. Hey, first off the title--with the word sex in it, you're like "ooh, goody *click* " but I have to say I didn't think it started off very sexy...but then I thought it got way better

 
Sex or Music
 
If you are a violin,
I am a bow.
 
If you are a trumpet,
I am a valve.
 
If you are a trombone,
I am a slide.
 
If you are a xylophone,
I am a mallet.
 
--I started really enjoying the poem here. For myself, I'd clip off the intro and start it here.
I like your like 'I tune you, listening'(-: and then...I like it because it lots of choppy action, and description. Really nice...I think it feels a little breathless as you read it...which I like.


I tune you, listening
for the perfect pitch in key
to test and taste the sound.

 
The curtain is pulled,
conductor and orchestra together.
The first score light,
slow and gentle, delicate,
easing into the fullness of a bouncing bridge, more
tempo and crescendo, climax of movements,
orchestra, conductor, one sound in swells,
fingers clenching
neck and bow,
horn and note,
mallet and key,
brass over strings,
the percussion crashing,
perfect pitch, harmony,
 
all finishing together,
and the conductor collapses,
and the orchestra gasps for air

----but, you know, Id end it here--on the gasp of air.
I think the last two lines are weak. 
I enjoyed reading it. I hope some of my comments/opinions were helpful. Please forgive any typos
Good luck- V


and all in the hall,
 
renewed.