06-09-2016, 05:33 PM
a few small words feel like their only use is for the meter. the [and ] on the first and 2nd line. [so] in the third, [of me] in the fourth, and [I’d best] in line 7
for me a better way to say line [so I follow and run a red [light] is optional]
i think if you use meter as you have then try to make each word count more toward the read and less toward the meter; that said, i did enjoy the read and in the main it had a good original feel to it.
for me a better way to say line [so I follow and run a red [light] is optional]
i think if you use meter as you have then try to make each word count more toward the read and less toward the meter; that said, i did enjoy the read and in the main it had a good original feel to it.
(06-03-2016, 02:02 AM)Wjames Wrote: It’s rainy season, and the streets are clogged
with mopeds, puddles, and the violent shrieks
of passing horns. My glasses are so fogged
I can’t see past the man in front of me, man car or bike?
so I follow as we run through a red
and swerve to merge with the turning masses.
The truck behind me honks to say I’d best
evacuate the lane, or wind up sprawled
across the road like bugs on a windshield.