06-07-2016, 05:29 PM
Hello, Marymic!
I read through the your poem three times...and I must say, overall I think it reads as if I'm hearing your thoughts.I agree with the reviewer that says there's just too much 'tell' and not enough imagery. In s1 there are the 'hands' (which I almost picture like a gesture) then the heart, which seems a bit cliche.
I do get the sense of indecision, and I do feel...sad for you, as the reader, peeking in. I would suggest --to amp up imagery-- to read thru your poem again and jot down any particular scenes that come to mind--reactions- that you can maybe work into this framework.
I hope this is helpful! I am new here as well. Good luck!-V
I read through the your poem three times...and I must say, overall I think it reads as if I'm hearing your thoughts.I agree with the reviewer that says there's just too much 'tell' and not enough imagery. In s1 there are the 'hands' (which I almost picture like a gesture) then the heart, which seems a bit cliche.
I do get the sense of indecision, and I do feel...sad for you, as the reader, peeking in. I would suggest --to amp up imagery-- to read thru your poem again and jot down any particular scenes that come to mind--reactions- that you can maybe work into this framework.
I hope this is helpful! I am new here as well. Good luck!-V