05-30-2016, 12:24 AM
Kole,
The meter/rhyme is taking over this piece-- the story shouldn't be secondary, but is. You have lots of nice little bits in here that would shine if given the chance. As an exercise, take this poem and totally rewrite it without meter and rhyme. See what you get. Maybe you'll like that version better. Maybe it can direct you to revise this one so it sounds more natural. Either way you win.
-jc
The meter/rhyme is taking over this piece-- the story shouldn't be secondary, but is. You have lots of nice little bits in here that would shine if given the chance. As an exercise, take this poem and totally rewrite it without meter and rhyme. See what you get. Maybe you'll like that version better. Maybe it can direct you to revise this one so it sounds more natural. Either way you win.
-jc
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The howling beast is back.
The howling beast is back.