the first taste - edit 2

[Caleb Murdock]

The First Taste
 
Warm Virginia pine trees reaching the sky, -- "warm" trees, interesting.  if you are trying to keep to ten syllables, how about cutting "warm" and putting "to" after reaching?
mountain bikes on the neighborhood pavement,
beer from dad’s garage stolen on the sly, -- I like this line
twelve-year-old boys after adolescence. -- is 12 "after" adolescence, or in adolescence?  I'd switch "escaping" for "after", but then you'd have 11 syllables
Into the woods we’d take a path to hide, -- "we'd take a path to hide" -- a little convoluted
and sit in a ditch near the railroad tracks. -- are the railroad tracks in the woods?  did you decide to stop hiding?  or are you saying that you went through the woods to the tracks because you wouldn't be seen going through the woods? -- a little clarity is needed
From a school backpack, we tore open wide -- "tore open wide" sounds too dramatic for opening a backpack
unveiling cans cooling hands that instant. -- sounds a bit convoluted
The cool fizz blew open the can’s insides, -- can't picture it; did the cans explode? or did the beer fizz out when you opened the cans?
and showered out a fit of shaken spit. -- now you've lost me:  spit?  I've heard beer referred to as gopher piss, but not spit
Dumb, I glanced at my friends with no reply
and drank the rest, a half at best, half fizz. -- by "half fizz" I think you mean that the half-can that you got to drink didn't have much fizz left in it, right?
Pretending drunkenness back swerving bikes, -- not very good sentence structure
we pretended the adults of cursed life. -- ditto; not clear at all
And now, without the courage to pretend,
I still swerve the road looking for the end. -- nice ending, but does the poem reveal an experience that should create such nostalgia?  why did the experience mean so much to you beyond stealing some beer?  if this is a "coming of age" experience, you need to explain why it had such an impact on you

Ultimately, I understand everything you are saying in the poem, but it required several readings and interpretation on my part.  The language isn't very natural.  It's too condensed and convoluted.  I agree that poetry, in general, is more dense than prose, but it's possible to overdo it.

I'm not sure if you are writing in iambic pentameter or just limiting yourself to ten syllables per line, but it isn't a crime to go a syllable over here or there.