Collective Guilt (Me and The Black Cat) EDIT 1.02: Kolemath, A. R., River Notch.

[Magpie]

Hi P,

This has been well thought out and structured and achieves its purpose very well. I've left some comments below.

Me and The Black Cat (Still wise, free, and safe in our remains) -- The title sets this up nicely whilst being intriguing at the same. It has awkwardness about it —which is good— because it breaks the rule of placing yourself in a list. As many will see 'The Black Cat' as a symbol for either the devil or evil then this method works well. Not sure about the text in parentheses, it feels like it should be at the end of the poem as a conclusion. Whereas now it seems like a statement and the poem is a justification of the statement. To be honest, I don't think it's needed at all.

We are good, like God
unique with a special purpose
like Satan.  -- This is probably the only stanza that doesn't work for me. If you switch it round, which is the way that you've set the whole thing up to be able to do, then it reads awkwardly.

We are good, like Satan
unique with a special purpose
like God.  --  Who is it that believes Satan is good. Finding a quality or attribute that God and Satan share is not easy. Something like 'honourable' or 'true to our word', in the sense that if you make a deal with the devil he won't let you down.

We have rights, like King -- King is such a common word, both for surnames and other uses, that some may not know who this is. In every other way it is perfect, both beginning with the Klan obsessed letter K and both closely related to family or brotherhood -- Klan - Clan  and King - Kin
dreaming up righteous mandates
like the Klan.

We are free, like Gandhi
to rage against the bourgeoisie
like old Mao.

We give hope, like Jesus
keeping faith in cult personalities
like Manson.

We still live, like Buddha
waiting for our rebirth
like a fool.

Ooopss, I've just noticed that this is in Mild Critique and I've probably said way too much already so I better stop. I did have a few other points to make but on the whole I think that this is a well worked out concept that just needs a couple of tweaks here and there.

Cheers for the read,

Mark