rotting

[71degrees]

edit 

The crack in her ancient voice
repeats, dully echoing in the hollow
of her trunk, blanketed in soft green.
Her dents cave in, subsiding
into holes and heaps of mush.
Crumbles gather in the dips;
microbes clamber through the litter.
She was once an upright bastion,
proud of all whom she gave life to.
Now millions, just born, crawl through
her splayed and broken corpse.


original

The crack in her ancient voice
repeats, echoing in the hollow
of her trunk, blanketed in soft green.
Her dents cave in, collapsing.
Crumbles gather in the cracks;
microbes clamber through the litter.
She was once an upright bastion,
now millions crawl through
her splayed and broken corpse.

Recently had to take down our backyard elm tree. It was almost traumatic. And while I'm pretty sure you're not writing about my tree, I gotta' tell ya' it took me there.

Not much to say as far as suggestions. I do like the edited version over the original. Still room for more cuts (e.g. "in" / "collapsing" already indicates the direction) if you want to tighten it even more. Another: "ancient" is answered later in the poem by "bastion" so not sure it's necessary.