05-26-2016, 09:39 AM
edit2
Train Tracks Train
1
Your name
the sound of John or Jane
tracks upon your brain
this is your name
this is your name
this is your name
If John is Joe, or Jane, Elaine,
if you had a different name,
would you be the same?
this is your name
this is your name
this is your name
Bob hammers houses in Houston
Were I Bob, would I be a builder?
I've yet to know Cletus the theorist.
2
Imagine naming yourself
Slower
Imagine naming your self
Stop
Exhale
Imagine your
self
unnamed
Edit 1
Name Train Tracks
Born and staked a name
pounded on the brain
the sound of John or Jane
cuffing the rhythm to claim
This is your name!
This is your name!
This is your name!
If John were Joe or Jan were Jane,
the tracks would lead the same?
Bob the builder
hammers houses in Houston.
But Cletus the theologian? No.
Should have named him Theodore.
Dig up the pseudonym,
the tracks the name has set.
Map a distant station,
the naming of the self.
First Draft
Name Game
1
Your name
staked in your brain
like tracks of a railroad train.
If you had a different name,
would you be the same?
2
From birth you are staked with a name
hammering over your brain
like thousands of rattling trains
chuffing out rhythms proclaimed,
This is your name!
This is your name!
This is your name!
Do names limit lives
as tracks limit destinations?
Joe the plumber
pulls pipes in Pittsburgh.
Bob the builder
hammers houses in Houston.
But where is Cletus the theorist?
Should have named him Theodore.
3
Imagine naming yourself.
Slower.
Imagine naming
your
self
without the tracks
your name has rattled,
rattling you away.
Now, imagine
your
self
unnamed.
These pseudonyms won’t last.
Hello fellow writers and critics. I posted this to the novice forum a few days ago, but am hoping to elevate the piece to some more critical eyes, post-revision. Please rip to shreds at your convenience!
Next time just ask to have it moved, less confusing and less work for me. ella/mod
The original thread:
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-18838.html
Train Tracks Train
1
Your name
the sound of John or Jane
tracks upon your brain
this is your name
this is your name
this is your name
If John is Joe, or Jane, Elaine,
if you had a different name,
would you be the same?
this is your name
this is your name
this is your name
Bob hammers houses in Houston
Were I Bob, would I be a builder?
I've yet to know Cletus the theorist.
2
Imagine naming yourself
Slower
Imagine naming your self
Stop
Exhale
Imagine your
self
unnamed
Edit 1
Name Train Tracks
Born and staked a name
pounded on the brain
the sound of John or Jane
cuffing the rhythm to claim
This is your name!
This is your name!
This is your name!
If John were Joe or Jan were Jane,
the tracks would lead the same?
Bob the builder
hammers houses in Houston.
But Cletus the theologian? No.
Should have named him Theodore.
Dig up the pseudonym,
the tracks the name has set.
Map a distant station,
the naming of the self.
First Draft
Name Game
1
Your name
staked in your brain
like tracks of a railroad train.
If you had a different name,
would you be the same?
2
From birth you are staked with a name
hammering over your brain
like thousands of rattling trains
chuffing out rhythms proclaimed,
This is your name!
This is your name!
This is your name!
Do names limit lives
as tracks limit destinations?
Joe the plumber
pulls pipes in Pittsburgh.
Bob the builder
hammers houses in Houston.
But where is Cletus the theorist?
Should have named him Theodore.
3
Imagine naming yourself.
Slower.
Imagine naming
your
self
without the tracks
your name has rattled,
rattling you away.
Now, imagine
your
self
unnamed.
These pseudonyms won’t last.
Hello fellow writers and critics. I posted this to the novice forum a few days ago, but am hoping to elevate the piece to some more critical eyes, post-revision. Please rip to shreds at your convenience!
Next time just ask to have it moved, less confusing and less work for me.
ella/modThe original thread:
http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-18838.html