05-25-2016, 05:29 AM
I realize now how it could be read as scolding, it was meant as the depressed person speaking. I am not sure how to show this though, without adding words to it, so would much appreciate help with that..I hope the last two lines of that part makes more sense after that?
~the way~ is taken from chinese philosophy, taoism..but I realise it might also be a bit over the top..would like to rewrite that line, I will have to think more about it but will probably use something with "choose happiness" as you pointed out would make more sense later in the poem.
I was also thinking of changing "snap out of it" to "Come back to me", a line from apocalypto, when a person is thinking of something else and his wife says that..might be better?
Thanks a lot, it is much appreciated!
~the way~ is taken from chinese philosophy, taoism..but I realise it might also be a bit over the top..would like to rewrite that line, I will have to think more about it but will probably use something with "choose happiness" as you pointed out would make more sense later in the poem.
I was also thinking of changing "snap out of it" to "Come back to me", a line from apocalypto, when a person is thinking of something else and his wife says that..might be better?
Thanks a lot, it is much appreciated!