05-23-2016, 12:58 PM
Hi! I love that the cadence of your character's speech shows through in your use of 'must of,' 'cigs,' and 'smoking snouts.' This goes such a long way toward establishing your imagery. Please don't ever change it! 
Have you thought about adding a line or two to flesh him out a bit more? He would certainly know his weaponry -- he'd be able to speak to what kind of round and what caliber gun brought down each set of antlers. What caliber is he currently reloading? What's his favorite weapon? I ask because of the omnipotence you're trying to project -- someone who loves to kill for the power it affords would love to tell you every detail about their hunts. He'd probably have the bullet that took down the biggest elk (or whatever) framed next to it or mounted in between its bared teeth.
And, I like the 'antler deer almighties.' If he's able to take down such a beast that makes him seem even more powerful.
I like that you're doing something different and experimenting with new voices that might not seem "poetic." Thanks for the read!
Have you thought about adding a line or two to flesh him out a bit more? He would certainly know his weaponry -- he'd be able to speak to what kind of round and what caliber gun brought down each set of antlers. What caliber is he currently reloading? What's his favorite weapon? I ask because of the omnipotence you're trying to project -- someone who loves to kill for the power it affords would love to tell you every detail about their hunts. He'd probably have the bullet that took down the biggest elk (or whatever) framed next to it or mounted in between its bared teeth.
And, I like the 'antler deer almighties.' If he's able to take down such a beast that makes him seem even more powerful.
I like that you're doing something different and experimenting with new voices that might not seem "poetic." Thanks for the read!