rotting

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The crack in her ancient voice
repeats, dully echoing in the hollow
of her trunk, blanketed in soft green.
Her dents cave in, subsiding
into holes and heaps of mush.
Crumbles gather in the dips;
microbes clamber through the litter.
She was once an upright bastion,
proud of all whom she gave life to.
Now millions, just born, crawl through
her splayed and broken corpse.


original

The crack in her ancient voice
repeats, echoing in the hollow
of her trunk, blanketed in soft green.
Her dents cave in, collapsing.
Crumbles gather in the cracks;
microbes clamber through the litter.
She was once an upright bastion,
now millions crawl through
her splayed and broken corpse.

I like this poem alot. The first line initially led me to believe the corpse belonged to a person that had been decomposing for centuries. the rest of the poem gives off a definite image that it is actually a tree. So the "crack in her ancient voice" brings a sort of mysticism I think would be hard to match, which in turn creates this amazing sort of aura when imagining this piece come to life. Not sure if it needs it, but I wonder what adding to this 'voice' would do for the piece. Thanks for the read,
mike