05-17-2016, 05:19 PM
Thanks Matt for the read and critique
The "room" line is proving problematic for readers... I'll have to think on this one. Maybe "There was no space in this room" would work better. I'm not totally happy with that though.
"Antler dead almighties" was the idea of these taxidermized buck heads that adorn the walls of my character's hunt shack (or whatever you'd like to call the room). The idea was to express the omnipresent in a scene where the character himself is feeling more and more like God as he manipulates and creates the means to take away life. I wanted to point the idea of this godliness, or faux godliness-- the all-knowing of what he is capable of, the almighties that adorn his walls as evidence to his omnipotence as this manufacturer of death. I wanted the building of his ego as man to be explained by his surroundings and circumstance. Also, the line for me just lays in nicely in terms of rhythm and sonics. But if that description of the taxidermy in the room is too around-the-bend or obscure or unclear, I suppose I'll have to find a way to rewrite them.
Finally, thanks for appreciating the last stanza, it's the one I'm proudest of. The lines were not the inception of the poem-- they just fell in place when I started writing.
Also, I wrote this reply at something like 4:00 in the morning. If my wording is hazy, chalk it up to lack of sleep
(this lack of sleep is due to the addictive intoxication of multi-tasking)
Thanks for reading,
Cousin
The "room" line is proving problematic for readers... I'll have to think on this one. Maybe "There was no space in this room" would work better. I'm not totally happy with that though.
"Antler dead almighties" was the idea of these taxidermized buck heads that adorn the walls of my character's hunt shack (or whatever you'd like to call the room). The idea was to express the omnipresent in a scene where the character himself is feeling more and more like God as he manipulates and creates the means to take away life. I wanted to point the idea of this godliness, or faux godliness-- the all-knowing of what he is capable of, the almighties that adorn his walls as evidence to his omnipotence as this manufacturer of death. I wanted the building of his ego as man to be explained by his surroundings and circumstance. Also, the line for me just lays in nicely in terms of rhythm and sonics. But if that description of the taxidermy in the room is too around-the-bend or obscure or unclear, I suppose I'll have to find a way to rewrite them.
Finally, thanks for appreciating the last stanza, it's the one I'm proudest of. The lines were not the inception of the poem-- they just fell in place when I started writing.
Also, I wrote this reply at something like 4:00 in the morning. If my wording is hazy, chalk it up to lack of sleep
(this lack of sleep is due to the addictive intoxication of multi-tasking)Thanks for reading,
Cousin
"There ought to be a room in this house to swear in."