05-17-2016, 10:13 AM
CK - so, on the whole I liked this but there are, as there always are, problematic sections.
Your repetition of "room" - I get what you're going for here but I don't think you've pulled it off. It just sounds awkward. I suggest a synonym.
You've introduced this notion of "antler dead almighties" seeing what the speaker is thinking. This is cool. But because this idea is irregular it begs explanation, and explain you haven't.
S4 - sure, makes sense.
I think your last stanza is the strongest. Was this the inception of the poem? It's inventive and succinct. Makes the poem. Thanks for the read,
- Matt
Your repetition of "room" - I get what you're going for here but I don't think you've pulled it off. It just sounds awkward. I suggest a synonym.
You've introduced this notion of "antler dead almighties" seeing what the speaker is thinking. This is cool. But because this idea is irregular it begs explanation, and explain you haven't.
S4 - sure, makes sense.
I think your last stanza is the strongest. Was this the inception of the poem? It's inventive and succinct. Makes the poem. Thanks for the read,
- Matt
