05-14-2016, 07:23 PM
When I read this poem I quite enjoyed the words you used for your rhyming scheme and I felt the poem had a some-what decent flow, however, some words disorientated me and threw me off.
Suggested edits:
Where are you the keeper of my heart? < here I would change the word "the" to "oh", it seems to make the line sound better to me.
How dare you commit such stealing. < I do not like the way this line is phrased, it just doesn't seem right.
Without it, I can't do fine art,
Or attend to things with feeling.
How dare you brought upon me < "brought" doesn't sound right. Perhaps change that word to "bring".
Such crippling soul of passion.
How dare you expect to be free.
Capturing you shall be my first action
Stealing love is your greatest crime.
Torture me, and rob me of my prime. < A suggested line edit, "You tortured me, robbed me of my prime."
Overall I enjoyed your poem and I look forward to seeing your future edits. Good luck!
Suggested edits:
Where are you the keeper of my heart? < here I would change the word "the" to "oh", it seems to make the line sound better to me.
How dare you commit such stealing. < I do not like the way this line is phrased, it just doesn't seem right.
Without it, I can't do fine art,
Or attend to things with feeling.
How dare you brought upon me < "brought" doesn't sound right. Perhaps change that word to "bring".
Such crippling soul of passion.
How dare you expect to be free.
Capturing you shall be my first action
Stealing love is your greatest crime.
Torture me, and rob me of my prime. < A suggested line edit, "You tortured me, robbed me of my prime."
Overall I enjoyed your poem and I look forward to seeing your future edits. Good luck!