05-13-2016, 03:46 AM
Thanks all for the input!
I didn't think I had gotten any responses on this piece so it was a pleasant surprise to hop on the pen and find 4
The resounding theme seems to be to adjust punctuation so I've done so, though I'm unsure if I'm happy where it is. Would appreciate more input
Hopefully the punctuation also flushes out the parts where it was a bit awkward to read in the piece, like "in this room" and such.
In regard to the progression of numbers throughout the poem (a note was made about "one hundred thousand"), I'm at a loss on how to make the progression of numbers feel less arbitrary, even when the choice itself is not an arbitrary one.
All in all, glad you all more or less enjoyed the piece
Thanks,
Kil
I didn't think I had gotten any responses on this piece so it was a pleasant surprise to hop on the pen and find 4
The resounding theme seems to be to adjust punctuation so I've done so, though I'm unsure if I'm happy where it is. Would appreciate more input
Hopefully the punctuation also flushes out the parts where it was a bit awkward to read in the piece, like "in this room" and such.
In regard to the progression of numbers throughout the poem (a note was made about "one hundred thousand"), I'm at a loss on how to make the progression of numbers feel less arbitrary, even when the choice itself is not an arbitrary one.
All in all, glad you all more or less enjoyed the piece
Thanks,
Kil
"There ought to be a room in this house to swear in."