A Girl Through The Glass (edit #2.2)

[ellajam]

if you're working to a form, ignore what i said about the refrain. sometimes the reader has no idea what they're talking about

Thanks, billy, for the read and comments. Agree L2 needs work. I can tumble while floating, can't you?

So glad you like L6, it was one I struggled about keeping, didn't think it would stand up, it appreciates your vote of confidence. The no refrain where you want one is because it's a double rondeau and there's not supposed to be a refrain there, but that doesn't mean there can't be one. I'll think about it, thanks.

Naivete is iffy, I've heard it pronounced naIVEtay and naIVeTAY. Agree the last line need to change, I'm working on Achebe's idea to use the same refrain throughout.

Much appreciated.

Nope, when squishing two poems into one anything that helps is worth considering.