05-09-2016, 11:16 PM
Edit
On a weedy Texas meadow
near the ruins of a barn
lies a pallet partly buried
resting by an oily tarn.
Wooden pallet, shipping pallet,
no one cares where you have been
made of oak or pine or cedar
from the land of yang and yin.
What did you bring, wooden pallet,
on your broad and trusty back?
Was it toys or electronics
or green tea by gunnysack?
Wooden pallet, muddy pallet,
was your journey long and rough
to bring young Americanoes
Vietnamese or Chinese stuff?
As you lie there, wooden pallet,
dreaming of their leaves of jade,
do the trees you grew on whisper
of when they were felled and flayed?
Wooden pallet, widely traveled
over sea and over land,
now you’re empty and discarded
and your trees no longer stand.
Empty pallet, wooden pallet
left unwanted in the mire,
no one bothers to return you
or to burn your boards with fire.
Wooden pallet, you have served us
and your pension is to lie
in the mud and sun and weather
as the days and months run by.
If you’re buried, wooden pallet
sealed by fungicidal mists,
you may surface ages later
dug by archaeologists.
Then they’ll wonder, unearthed pallet,
at the prodigalities
of their ancestors who buried
pallets sawn from vanished trees.
Wooden pallet, shipping pallet
lying empty in the mud,
you’re the sign of peaceful trading
cash for goods, not blood for blood.
Bless you, empty wooden pallet
resting peaceful in the sun,
for your wood was never wasted
bearing goods, your rest is won!
This edit addresses all the critiques except "been," discussed ultra. You find people in Texas who pronounce it "ben," and in nearby Oklahoma it can be "beeen" (but those guys also say "rooeeened" for "ruined).
I hope this edit simplifies V1 sufficiently by deflating L1. (Yes, I've always wanted to use the word "tarn" publicly - curse you, E.A.P!)
The next-best version of V4 was
but "toys" is problematic (reads poorly after "Americanoes") and it's probably no longer common knowledge that Haiphong is the port of Hanoi, or how to pronounce it (or that Hanoi is the capital of Vietnam, for that matter). In addition, "us Americanoes," while grammatically correct, feels ignorant somehow.
Thanks again to the critics, particularly @ellajam for targeting "toys" and @billy for the news that L4 isn't trochaic (surprised me, but it's true)!
On a weedy Texas meadow
near the ruins of a barn
lies a pallet partly buried
resting by an oily tarn.
Wooden pallet, shipping pallet,
no one cares where you have been
made of oak or pine or cedar
from the land of yang and yin.
What did you bring, wooden pallet,
on your broad and trusty back?
Was it toys or electronics
or green tea by gunnysack?
Wooden pallet, muddy pallet,
was your journey long and rough
to bring young Americanoes
Vietnamese or Chinese stuff?
As you lie there, wooden pallet,
dreaming of their leaves of jade,
do the trees you grew on whisper
of when they were felled and flayed?
Wooden pallet, widely traveled
over sea and over land,
now you’re empty and discarded
and your trees no longer stand.
Empty pallet, wooden pallet
left unwanted in the mire,
no one bothers to return you
or to burn your boards with fire.
Wooden pallet, you have served us
and your pension is to lie
in the mud and sun and weather
as the days and months run by.
If you’re buried, wooden pallet
sealed by fungicidal mists,
you may surface ages later
dug by archaeologists.
Then they’ll wonder, unearthed pallet,
at the prodigalities
of their ancestors who buried
pallets sawn from vanished trees.
Wooden pallet, shipping pallet
lying empty in the mud,
you’re the sign of peaceful trading
cash for goods, not blood for blood.
Bless you, empty wooden pallet
resting peaceful in the sun,
for your wood was never wasted
bearing goods, your rest is won!
This edit addresses all the critiques except "been," discussed ultra. You find people in Texas who pronounce it "ben," and in nearby Oklahoma it can be "beeen" (but those guys also say "rooeeened" for "ruined).
I hope this edit simplifies V1 sufficiently by deflating L1. (Yes, I've always wanted to use the word "tarn" publicly - curse you, E.A.P!)
The next-best version of V4 was
Quote:Wooden pallet, muddy pallet,
was your journey rough and long
to bring us Americanoes
toys from Shanghai or Haiphong?
but "toys" is problematic (reads poorly after "Americanoes") and it's probably no longer common knowledge that Haiphong is the port of Hanoi, or how to pronounce it (or that Hanoi is the capital of Vietnam, for that matter). In addition, "us Americanoes," while grammatically correct, feels ignorant somehow.
Thanks again to the critics, particularly @ellajam for targeting "toys" and @billy for the news that L4 isn't trochaic (surprised me, but it's true)!
Non-practicing atheist