A Girl Through The Glass (edit #2.2)

[ellajam]

Thank you, Achebe, very useful comments. I'd rather not comment yet on where this comes from so as  not to influence further crit, I'm trying to make this work as a whole, on its own.

First, thanks for pointing out that "thriving" could be cut. I'm laughing that you can accept her floating upside down but not the town, , but I am not arguing your view, it's hard to tell how much fantasy can stand.

Thanks for pointing out the weak meter in L4, I'm sure that can be strengthened. I like blithe/scythe, I think because they are words I don't usually say but I'll think about how I've used scythe, whether or not it carries over well.


Great idea to use the same refrain for the second part, maybe it should have been obvious to me but it wasn't and I'm pretty sure I can make it work. I didn't like "strength" anyway, just wasn't sure what to replace it with. Thank you.

Good point on "holds sway", it's an odd term with good meaning but I get your ugh.

I like the ending so far, we'll see what happens.

Thanks so much for your time and the use of your brain.