05-04-2016, 12:02 PM
Thank you all for the critique. I'm still not sure if I am adding onto the end of this or not, because anything beyond this point feels forced right now. For now, I will try to clarify these lines before adding on.
Notes on the first edit.
S1 -- Partially clarified the medium of the picture. Reworked final line to ellajam's suggestion. Small changes/additions/rephrasing.
Switched S2 and S3 positions.
Edited S2 -- Attempted to tie the emotional and mental elements to a more physical setting.
Edited S3 -- "She" changed to "You"
Notes on the first edit.
S1 -- Partially clarified the medium of the picture. Reworked final line to ellajam's suggestion. Small changes/additions/rephrasing.
Switched S2 and S3 positions.
Edited S2 -- Attempted to tie the emotional and mental elements to a more physical setting.
Edited S3 -- "She" changed to "You"
If you're the smartest person in the room, you're in the wrong room.
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona
"Or, if a poet writes a poem, then immediately commits suicide (as any decent poet should)..." -- Erthona