04-19-2016, 11:28 PM
Hi Sean
You have created a wistful feel to the poem and you have a very nice approach to the phrasing of many lines, if I could offer advice it would to consolidate the images into a couple of stanzas that really get across your point to the reader. Think about me, what am I to take away from your poem, visually you have some stunning lines that when presented as a story board will leave something that lasts, at the moment its all a bit too much for me to take in and I cannot truly grasp what happens. Hope this helps and you spend some time on an edit it really is worth it. Best Keith
You have created a wistful feel to the poem and you have a very nice approach to the phrasing of many lines, if I could offer advice it would to consolidate the images into a couple of stanzas that really get across your point to the reader. Think about me, what am I to take away from your poem, visually you have some stunning lines that when presented as a story board will leave something that lasts, at the moment its all a bit too much for me to take in and I cannot truly grasp what happens. Hope this helps and you spend some time on an edit it really is worth it. Best Keith
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out