Don't call my number (Revision 2)

[LunaDeLore]

Hi, Luna, if you read around the sight or the Important Threads you'll see that the preferred way to post an edit is by placing it above the original in the OP, this way readers new to the thread can crit the current version, reading the entire thread first is not required and for some not preferable.

the wisteria falls to the ground
heavy from rain

I can't decide whether the entire, sturdy vine has toppled, a disaster, or the rain has beat the delicate petals off and they are now a blanket on the ground, a beautiful site that happens sometimes, a bit sad that they are no longer hang but under the umbrella of Shit Happens.

I don't mind that I can't decide, I'm a fan of anything that gets me thinking about it. I think the word heavy is what leads me to the whole vine detaching even though I can see it describes the rain. If you'd like me to see it one way or the other you might edit those lines a bit, if you were aiming for both, well done.

Ella,

Thanks for being helpful and revision wise, I believe I know what to do next go 'round....Anyway, when I sat down to do a vision of the work, I really felt like the whole idea rested on the wisteria. When it rains, it does bend over sometimes and all the beautiful blooms do fall to the ground, blanketing it. And there's also the promise of spring and the wisteria will bloom again. Graves disease is much the same. There's a promise for life, much like spring, after treatment. Needless to say, this means of course there is still much work to do on this poem.