04-15-2016, 11:40 AM
Original
Don't call my number
___________________
In the absence of tears
Tremors and anxiety consume
Gray day shades of green
Wisteria falls to the ground
Heavy in rain
And voices sounding from the television
Wreck silence
Graves’ disease prevails
With the guarantee of tomorrow
Leaving death to wait
For the end of a life sentence
Revision 1.
In the absence of tears
tremors and anxiety
consume the day
the wisteria falls to the ground
heavy from rain
like a disease that comes
with a guarantee for tomorrow
leaving death to wait
As you can see it's shortened a good bit, not that it was long to begin with. Nevertheless, I don't think it flows that much better. This may be one of those works that is beyond revision.
Don't call my number
___________________
In the absence of tears
Tremors and anxiety consume
Gray day shades of green
Wisteria falls to the ground
Heavy in rain
And voices sounding from the television
Wreck silence
Graves’ disease prevails
With the guarantee of tomorrow
Leaving death to wait
For the end of a life sentence
Revision 1.
In the absence of tears
tremors and anxiety
consume the day
the wisteria falls to the ground
heavy from rain
like a disease that comes
with a guarantee for tomorrow
leaving death to wait
As you can see it's shortened a good bit, not that it was long to begin with. Nevertheless, I don't think it flows that much better. This may be one of those works that is beyond revision.
In your own, each bone comes alive
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....
(Chris Martin)
the skeleton jangles in its perfunctory sleeve....
(Chris Martin)